| | I've taught myself not to cry. It's a bit like teaching yourself to not be ticklish. At first, you have work very hard to control the reaction, but after a while, the you just aren't inspired by the stimulus. It's something that boys do. Anyway, at some point I decided being sensitive wasn't so bad, but being strong still meant not crying. After awhile, it became more like, "There's no problem with crying, but you needn't force it." I suppose I still agree with that. I mean, why would you try to force yourself to feel something you don't? It's worth noting, however, the effect that years of repression can have on the free and spontanious expression of emotion. I think a bit of emotional affirmative action is worth while.
So I've got this connection to music. I don't know if this is true for everybody else, but good music gets down to my emotional baseline like nothing else. Close is not only good enough in horseshoes and hand grendanes, it works with lyrics too. The great think about emotions is how little reguard they have for logic. If 4 or 5 words string together in a way that creates meaning for me, and the music pulls at me the right way at the same time, I'm done. That's all it takes.
So I gave myself the chance for a good cry. I didn't get any good sobs in, I think I was too happy about the cry in the first place. I think it was good. It was like stretching a muscle you clench all day. I didn't cry about anything in particular, accept, maybe, the feeling of connecting with someone else's pain.
Well, I suppose that's good enough for now. The words are down. All my thinks are thought.
Later,
-Heath
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| | Posted 11/7/2006 12:00 AM - 22 Views - 2 eProps - 1 Comment
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